Having a good cry

picture credit: freeyork.org

Today started off beautifully- reminiscing about a wonderful week spent with sweet and wise friends, going to church to fellowship and worship my Saviour, and my cousin making the right choice and moving back to her home. I sat, happy as a clam, in my rocking chair, reading SetApartGirl.com, drinking hot tea, and eating biscotti. And then it happened. My mom came in, just a few moments ago, saying that Becky, the woman who has been helping us with the adoptions, sent new pictures of Thomas and Juliana. Of course, like any adoring big sister, I rushed in to the family computer to see them- nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. You see, the pictures that I've been holding and caressing and treasuring were all taken that blissful week that we spent with the children in Russia. These pictures were taken by the sweet translator that accompanied us for part of our trip. My sweet curly-headed angel, Thomas, had been shaved. His eyes were sad and lonely. He held up his school book, smiling slightly, but his eyes seemed to ask "why? why hold it up when there's no one to be proud of me? sure, you're happy for me and taking my picture, but tomorrow you'll be gone." Thomas wore the same clothes that he had worn the entire week we spent with him, night and day, literally. Juliana, being a precocious, precious girl, still seemed smiling and happy, but still, that sense of longing in her eyes. I want nothing more than to hop the next flight to Russia, to grab both of them in my arms and bring them home. But I can't. So now I sit, and have a good cry. I cry for Thomas, his lost curls and his lost hope. I cry for Juliana, her need to be so strong at such a young age. I cry for all the other children that will be left behind when Thomas and Juliana come home. And I cry, because I don't know how much more time will be lost before I hold them close again.
       Since I can't post on the children's actual birthdays, I'm making this my "happy birthday" post for Juliana. Juliana, more than anything in the world, I want to hold your hand, to give you another piggy-back ride through the apple orchard, to tell you you're loved. I want to bring you home, to help you adjust to your new sisters and brothers, to make special tea-parties for you and your friends. I want to paint your nails, and sew pretty dresses for you. I want to take you to see the Nutcracker, and watch your eyes light up as ballerinas dance across the stage. If I could, I'd give up everything material forevermore if it only meant bringing you home one minute sooner. Juliana, my prayers are all about you and Thomas. I pray that you're safe. I pray that you're happy in school. I pray that you'll be home soon. And I pray that you never have to spend another birthday away from your family! I love you!